


Commedia dell'arte

by HeartHartHard



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: hartwin au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 18:33:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13254207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartHartHard/pseuds/HeartHartHard
Summary: Eggsy was everything Harry was not.Harry was everything Eggsy was not.Funny, isn't it?





	Commedia dell'arte

**Author's Note:**

> So here it goes, my very first fic for the lovely Kingsman fandom, born from a weird idea while riding the bus actually, really.
> 
> Come and find me on tumblr (@heartharthard)!

Somewhere in the world a last laugh was breathed.

 

Eggsy just shared his biggest one yet with his mates. 

 

Wasn’t it comical?

 

* * *

 

 

One day he was nicking a bottle of milk for his little sister from that fancy store with the bigheaded sales bloke (“This milk was produced by the happiest cows in the entire UK and won many awards due to its special composition, extraordinary nutritional value and soft white creaminess. You would never be able to afford this, young man. Now get out.”) and everything changed.

 

As soon as he left the store, he wore the biggest of smiles and it wasn’t until he changed out of his pair of jeans that night that he realized that on the back of his thighs on said pants, a few diamond checks had appeared.

 

He could already hear his mother’s complaints in his head, but found that he could only chuckle at them.

 

* * *

 

 

After that day, he started to feel more like himself than ever.

 

He got back into parkour in which he excelled due to his natural agility and speed.

 

He started walking down the street and doing cartwheels out of nowhere, startling everyone nearby, but never knocking anything or anyone over.

 

His frequent bursts of laughing and chuckling couldn’t be controlled this easily though.

 

He was good at this, whatever it was. Like he was born for it.

 

* * *

 

 

And with every passing day, more of his clothes would have checks on them. People at the Black Prince would ask him if Adidas had released a new collection.

 

He said yes.

 

Of course.

 

He would frequently get into trouble with Jamal and Ryan for playing tricks on them, but then again… He had always been a trickster.

 

* * *

 

 

One circumstance which improved immensely due to his new…abilities was life with Dean. Abusive, manipulating and rotten Dean.

 

Because you know, Eggsy could be invisible now if he chose to.

 

One moment he was there, the next he wasn’t. Well, of course he was in fact still there. It was just like nobody minded him. It was like people would just look right past him. He didn’t catch any attention then whatsoever. Which, in turn, made his trickster existence almost laughably easy.

 

And Dean lost his mind and left. Clearly, there are only so many shaken bottles of beers, itching undies and too small shoes one can take. The frequent cases of food poisoning only helped to speed things along.

 

And whenever he tried to take it out on Eggsy’s mother, Michelle, he somehow ended up with getting hit by a pan. Or a chair. Or an electric shock (“How the hell did that toaster just fry me again?!”).

 

Everything was so easy these days. And nothing serious.

 

* * *

 

One day, Eggsy was sauntering down Savile Row after having stolen a most perfect lapel pin in the form of a yellow smiley face, when he saw him.

 

He was just leaving some kind of tailoring business and was clad in a perfect bespoke suit himself. Eggsy wasn’t sure if it was just the suit complimenting the man’s physique or if he was actually as fit as he appeared to be. His facial features were accentuated by a pair of tortoise shell glasses, through which eyes the color of molten chocolate took in the world. His hair was so in order, Eggsy had to fight the urge to mess it up for the fun of it.

 

This man was everything Eggsy was not. And Eggsy was everything the man was not.

 

And then he was gone, getting into a taxi while Eggsy was staring with his mouth open and off he went.

 

That night Eggsy lay in his bed in his checked pajamas, whispering “My Colombine…”.

 

His heart had never felt this heavy. Not even after his father had died back when he was still a small kid.

 

Isn't it comical?

 

* * *

 

 

For the next few weeks, Savile Row residents and visitors alike saw a series of tricks and pranks like never before. A misplaced chair here, a tea seasoned with salt there or no matching socks to be found anywhere.

 

But nobody suffered as much as Kingsman Tailors.

 

One day, Harry Hart recited his famous words “Oxfords, not brogues” to one of his new customers while leading him to the shoe showcase, only to be confronted with the most atrocious collection of footwear to ever be in existence.

 

Adidas trainers. With wings. Everywhere.

 

“MERLIN!”

 

Eggsy, currently devouring all the complimentary scones in the front of the shop, laughed like mad.

 

“Oh, my Colombine…”

 

* * *

 

 

Harry was certain that over the past week, he had gotten more grey hairs than over the entire past year. It was ridiculous!

 

Kingsman Tailors was under attack.

 

By some kind of trickster apparently.

 

Nightly meetings with every employee present and even the video footage held no answer as to what was happening in their shop.

 

He had to admit though that not everything was indeed bad. Seeing Merlin with an orange jumper had its perks. Even more so when he insisted it had been a dark blue when he put it on that morning.

 

Harry tried very hard to hide his smile while mumbling a “bizarre…”.

 

Eggsy beamed. Like the sun.

 

And every night Eggsy lay in his bed in bittersweet contemplation.

 

* * *

 

 

“Merlin, did we order some black and yellow checked fabric?”

 

“No, Harry… Why would we?”

 

“I thought I saw some from the corner of my eye in storage the other day.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous. This is Kingsman Tailors and no Harlequinade.”

 

* * *

 

 

Things escalated the day Harry’s life was turned upside down when these pranks appeared no longer to be restricted to his workplace anymore.

 

Eggsy just couldn’t help it. He couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to know more about his Colombine.

 

Harry.

 

* * *

 

 

It was Valentine’s Day.

 

He followed him home to his house. Stanhope Mews of all places.

 

His Colombine was even more posh than he suspected. And out of his league by miles.

 

Eggsy was the sun. And Harry, Harry was the being that had hung the moon.

 

But Eggsy had an idea. His intuition never failed him.

 

Harry stopped at his door. He heard a weird sound coming from the other side of the door. Something inexplicably was happening in his home while he was not there. This wasn’t right. And was that… fluttering?

 

He opened the door and was met with the most diverse swarm of butterflies. And about a dozen empty showcases.

 

He smashed the door closed behind him and stood in shock. “What on earth….”

 

A butterfly landed on his hand and he lifted it up to inspect it closer.

 

It was a Papilio cresphontes in all its black and yellow beauty.

 

He should be mad, raging even, but he just couldn’t.

 

It was beyond beautiful… And Harry’s smile was radiant.

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, my Colombine.”

 

Harry jumped and stared at the young man on his stairs.

 

He was dressed in the most disagreeable, even heinous, outfit he had ever seen.

 

Track pants and jacket in that black and yellow check pattern and winged Adidas trainers.

 

THE winged Adidas trainers.

 

But he didn’t feel as irritated as he probably should, because the face of this boy was… He was the sun.

 

“You….” Harry breathed.

 

Eggsy startled.

 

And can you believe it? His smile faltered.

 

“No!” Harry held up his hands and tried to appear calmer and… more welcoming.

 

To an intruder in his home. For whatever reason.

 

“Would you… would you like some tea?”

 

Eggsy smiled again.

 

He wasn’t beaming, his smile was small and maybe a bit shy, but to Harry it was everything.

 

They sat down for tea and talked and smiled and Harry sweetened his tea with salt and didn’t even mind.

 

Wasn't it comical?

 


End file.
